


(even a fool knows this) you're the best thing i've got

by plantago



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Hyunjin has a bad day but Seungmin takes care of him, Hyunjin has persistent depressive disorder, M/M, Mild Disordered Eating, Non-Idol AU, Seungmin and Hyunjin are domestic af, Seungmin is a sweetheart and the best boyfriend, maybe ooc oops!, soft soft soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-18
Updated: 2020-05-18
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:46:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24029845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plantago/pseuds/plantago
Summary: Seungmin loves Hyunjin, and there's no way that he'll ever let Hyunjin forget it.
Relationships: Hwang Hyunjin/Kim Seungmin
Comments: 6
Kudos: 37





	(even a fool knows this) you're the best thing i've got

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [when you love someone](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19867315) by [luvjinnie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/luvjinnie/pseuds/luvjinnie). 



The night was blue. Faint stars struggled to be seen between the twilight clouds and the moon cast a muted glow upon the earth. Hyunjin lay on the carpeted floor of the living room, breathing in the still air. _In, hold, out. In, hold, out. In, hold, out._ In the kitchen, Seungmin was preparing dinner. Hyunjin could hear his soft humming. It was a beautiful song and Hyunjin hated it. Burning tears seared Hyunjin's eyes. How could he hate the very man that he held so dear? How could he hate the air that graciously allowed him to live? How could he hate the blue night with it's dying stars and the moon that hazed its last breaths into the dark? It was unfair. It was unfair to the sky and the stars and the moon. Unfair to the precious oxygen, wasted on his pitiful lungs. Unfair to Seungmin, who was so, so kind to Hyunjin. Seungmin was too kind to Hyunjin. Hyunjin was a hollow vessel of guilt and melancholy and contempt. What was there to love? A puff of breath escaped his lips, a humorless laugh, before sorrow once again tightened her gossamer tendrils around his wilted body. Feet fell thousands of miles in the distance and suddenly Seungmin was sitting next to his head.

"Hey Jinnie," he spoke softly, slowly enough for Hyunjin's dazed brain to dissect the syllables and piece together their meaning, "dinner is ready." Distress must have made itself known in Hyunjin's tired eyes, because Seungmin reached forward to brush a gentle hand through Hyunjin's hair. Hyunjin flinched away seconds too late.

"It's ok," Seungmin murmured, mindful of Hyunjin's sensitivity to loud noises when he was in such a state, "it's just plain rice. Not too much. You can eat that. It's ok." Hyunjin gazed dully at Seungmin, feeling his heartbeat thunder throughout his body. Seungmin stood up and held out a hand for Hyunjin. Hyunjin sluggishly rose to his feet, not taking Seungmin’s hand. His body ached and felt weighted. Seungmin lowered his arm. "There you go," he soothed, "you're ok." He led the way to the kitchen, Hyunjin following slowly. Lifting each foot was a herculean task, leaving him breathless by the time he reached the kitchen. ' _Pathetic_ ,' his mind snarled, 'what kind of dancer can't even walk ten feet without fatiguing?' Blunt nails biting his palms in anguish, Hyunjin hardly noticed the small bowl set in front of him.

"Eat," Seungmin insisted tenderly. "It's ok, it's just plain rice. You're ok." Even with Seungmin's reassurances, Hyunjin's body trembled as he scooped a small amount of rice onto his spoon. Lifting the spoon to his mouth was another tremendous effort, and as soon as the food had reached its destination, his heavy hand plummeted back to the table. The rice was bland and flavorless. Glancing up, Hyunjin saw Seungmin looking down at his own meal, pointedly not watching Hyunjin eat. Hyunjin blinked back tears. He didn't deserve Seungmin.

Hyunjin had barely eaten half of the rice when he felt his stomach roll. He closed his eyes as his treacherous mind began to whisper. 'Seungmin made this for you. He didn't need to, but he did, and you're so ungrateful that you can't even eat it?' Hyunjin took a shaky breath. Another. He opened his eyes and brought a spoonful of rice to his lips. 'It's ok,' he thought, almost frantically, 'it's just rice, it's ok. I'm ok.' He chewed twice, overwhelmed by the rice’s strong nutty flavor and desperate to swallow in order to relieve his tortured mouth. He swallowed harshly and immediately felt himself gag. A thin line of saliva dripped from his lips to the table. The world buzzed faintly and Hyunjin felt his sore hands become clammy. He apprehensively peeked at Seungmin through his bangs, stomach still swirling. Seungmin was looking at him with nothing but… pity and anger in his eyes. Hyunjin shook. "I'm sorry, Seungmin, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to- it's my fault, I'm sorry." A tear traced it's way down his face. Seungmin reached a hand across the table. Hyunjin didn't take it.

"It's ok, Hyunjin. I'm not mad or upset. I know that you didn't mean to. It's not your fault. It's ok. I'm here, and it's ok." Hyunjin closed his eyes as the lights became too bright and his breathing became too loud. "Hyunjin," Seungmin said softly, his voice almost a whisper. "Let's go to bed, Hyunjinnie. We can take care of the dishes tomorrow, ok? Let's go to bed now." With that, Seungmin stood from his seat. He waited while Hyunjin forced his brain to understand the words and for his body to comply with his brain, and quietly shepherded Hyunjin to their room, careful not to touch him.

Seungmin handed Hyunjin a bundle of clothes to change into and left to change in the bathroom. Hyunjin put on the pyjamas, keeping his eyes averted from his body. Seungmin knocked on the door and came in after Hyunjin gave an affirmative. He lay down on the bed and watched as Hyunjin continued to stand by the dresser, eyes vacant. "Hyunjinnie? Come to bed now, darling. Are you ready?" Hyunjin startled at Seungmin's voice and slowly shuffled over to the bed. He lay down on his back with his arms crossed, secure and protective over his chest. Seungmin was next to him, less than a foot away, his arms by his sides. Hyunjin wanted to hold his hand. ' _Selfish_ ,' his mind castigated. 'You only do things when you want to, not when anyone else wants to do them. You're so inconsiderate. Seungmin won't want to touch you anyway. You're disgusting.' Hyunjin tightened his arms and breathed. _Inout. In, out. In, hold, out_. He hesitantly slid his hand away from his body and toward Seungmin. ' _Selfish, disgusting leach_ ,' his mind screamed. Hyunjin choked on a sob, but continued to reach for Seungmin. Seungmin noticed Hyunjin's approaching hand and slowly moved his own hand toward Hyunjin's. He stopped centimeters away from Hyunjin's hand, allowing Hyunjin to decide whether he felt comfortable to close the small distance. After many long seconds of trying to ignore the vicious voice shouting profanities inside his head, Hyunjin crept his hand forward to lace his fingers with Seungmin's. He risked a glance up, and was met with a soft, proud smile.

"Hey," Seungmin whispered.

"Hey," Hyunjin whispered back, voice cracking.

"Hyunjinnie, can I tell you a secret?" Seungmin said quietly, turning onto his side to face Hyunjin. Hyunjin nodded, tearing at the thin skin on his lips with his teeth. Seungmin took a stabilizing breath and peered into Hyunjin's eyes. Hyunjin’s face warmed at the intensity of his stare. "Mahal kita," Seungmin murmured, his voice hushed but firm.

Hyunjin blinked, taken aback by the foreign words. "What?"

A fond smile danced on Seungmin's face. "It means I love you. I love you, Hyunjin. I know it's hard for you to hear those words when you feel like this, so I thought that maybe if I learned how to say it in different languages, I could still help you remember that you’re loved and worthy of love, but in a way that you’re more comfortable with."

Hyunjin’s heart fluttered in his chest. 'I don't deserve you,' he thought. "I don't deserve you," he said, voice thick with tears that had yet to fall.

Seungmin affectionately smoothed his free hand over Hyunjin's hair. "You deserve all of the love and happiness that anyone could ever give you," he whispered, his eyes brimming with adoration. "You deserve everything good in the world. Everything good in the galaxy. No, in the universe. Wait- in all of the universes!"

Hyunjin giggled tearfully. "I guess it’s lucky that I have you, then."

Seungmin squeezed Hyunjin's hand, a loving smile on his face. "I guess it is." There was a long moment in which they lost themselves in each other's eyes, unguarded and unafraid. "Hyunjin," Seungmin broke the silence. "Mahal kita."

Hyunjin gazed at Seungmin, the man who understood and respected him, who played with him when he was happy and took care of him when he was sad. The man who loved him. The man he loved. "How do you say it?" he asked.

"Ma-hal kay-ta," Seungmin responded softly. Hyunjin rolled over into Seungmin's open arms and nestled himself into the embrace.

"Mahal kita, Seungmin. Thank you for loving me. Mahal kita."

The night was blue. Stars twinkled in the clear indigo sky and the moon reflected a soft glow over the two lovers who slipped into peaceful dreams under her protective watch.

**Author's Note:**

> Hyunjin's experiences are based on my own and Seungmin's responses are based on a dream (literally!)  
> Title is from "Mixtape: On Track" by Stray Kids because I like that song  
> Special thanks to my friend Sam who helped me with the summary ♥
> 
> If you're going through a hard time, please reach out to someone. No problem is too small to talk about.  
> US/Canada crisis text line: text HOME to 741741 (for more information, see https://www.crisistextline.org/text-us/)  
> For a list of suicide crisis lines in over 80 countries, see https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines
> 
> Stay safe, everyone :)


End file.
